Media Writing - oh god
Aug. 31st, 2007 01:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
featherxquillI just did the exercise for my media class tomorrow and it feels like I tore out a part of my soul. I have no idea how I'm going to read this tomorrow, or let other people read it.
Write about someone you love. Be honest and detailed.
The events in this happened in the last two weeks, and it hurts to put it down, but it needed to come out. I'm crying like a baby still. Only just finished it.
“We were watching a news story about AIDS,” said my stepbrother. “And then Gary said ‘of course, some people deserve it.’ I asked him who. ‘Gay people’, he said.”
Sometimes, I hate my father.
The memory of that conversation plays over and over in my head through the week. I didn’t hear him say it, of course, but I think about what I’d have done if I had. I imagine the most cutting words I can think of - ‘you disgust me’ or ‘if I ever hear you say something like that again, you can forget you even have a daughter’. I have no idea if I would ever use them.
Because I love him. I visit for dinner the following week and he is turning steak on the barbecue in his shorts and his volleys and his Panania RSL soccer jacket, accidentally dropping uncooked chops on the ground for the dog. He hugs me up in big arms against his beer belly and asks me to rub his haircut, grinning - excited by the number two. He cooks my steaks especially because I like them raw and asks me every week at dinner if they’re all right. He makes silly dad jokes and the whole table groans, then we laugh despite ourselves.
Father’s Day approaches and I keep forgetting to buy his present, and I wonder if I’m doing it on purpose somehow because I cannot reconcile this man so full of love with the one so full of hate.
Write about someone you love. Be honest and detailed.
The events in this happened in the last two weeks, and it hurts to put it down, but it needed to come out. I'm crying like a baby still. Only just finished it.
“We were watching a news story about AIDS,” said my stepbrother. “And then Gary said ‘of course, some people deserve it.’ I asked him who. ‘Gay people’, he said.”
Sometimes, I hate my father.
The memory of that conversation plays over and over in my head through the week. I didn’t hear him say it, of course, but I think about what I’d have done if I had. I imagine the most cutting words I can think of - ‘you disgust me’ or ‘if I ever hear you say something like that again, you can forget you even have a daughter’. I have no idea if I would ever use them.
Because I love him. I visit for dinner the following week and he is turning steak on the barbecue in his shorts and his volleys and his Panania RSL soccer jacket, accidentally dropping uncooked chops on the ground for the dog. He hugs me up in big arms against his beer belly and asks me to rub his haircut, grinning - excited by the number two. He cooks my steaks especially because I like them raw and asks me every week at dinner if they’re all right. He makes silly dad jokes and the whole table groans, then we laugh despite ourselves.
Father’s Day approaches and I keep forgetting to buy his present, and I wonder if I’m doing it on purpose somehow because I cannot reconcile this man so full of love with the one so full of hate.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-30 04:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-30 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-30 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-31 02:47 am (UTC)Conflicting feelings SUCK.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-01 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-02 09:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-05 02:38 am (UTC)But it comes more quickly with communication. Have you considered talking to him?
Maybe my father and I could have had a relationship before he passed if I had had the courage to say something like "hey dad, remember when you told me they should burn witches.... did you really mean you wanted me dead?" but I'll never know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you harbor these feelings - talk to him now, while you still can.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-11 10:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-14 03:06 pm (UTC)