featherxquill

Because there was some interest, here is the fic wot I wrote! I have been in one hell of a Bond/M hole since I got back into writing it.

Title: to beckon me in languages i’ve never learned
Fandom: James Bond (Craig era)
Pairing James Bond/M (Olivia Mansfield)
Rating: E
Length: ~8700 words
Summary After weeks of flouting her instructions and leaving a trail of bodies behind him in Bolivia, Bond knows he must return to M and beg for mercy. But there is more than one way to do penitence, and M is as creative as she is demanding.

Do you think this is a game, Bond?
--

Many thanks to kelly_chambliss for her beta efforts, and to Tayryn​ for her enthusiastic cheerleading, which helped me get this fic off the two-year backburner and into the world. The title of this fic is from this Sunset Rubdown song, from which I have also pilfered some imagery and a few lines for dialogue.

Title: A Feather in One’s Cap
Rating:NC-17
Word Count: 13,000
Characters and/or Pairings: Minerva McGonagall/Rolanda Hooch/Rita Skeeter
Summary: Rita Skeeter finds sports reporting to be just about the dullest job ever. After a Quidditch game, she goes in search of a story that is actually entertaining, and finds herself part of a narrative more salacious than anything even she could come up with.
Warnings: Pottermore-what-Pottermore. And a little bit of Quidditch-bashing? The author is sorry, but Rita Skeeter just doesn't like sport. The shoes are nowhere near cute enough.
Author's Notes: Written for queen_of_snapes for hoggywartyxmas. A great big thank you to my betas, an_fhanai and cranky__crocus for their editing, cheerleading and idea-sharing skills. This fic wouldn't be half the story it is without them. Please see the end of the fic for a further note about Kiwi's input in the process of this story.

( A Feather in One's Cap )

Title: Blindness and Stars
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 11,000
Pairing: Rita Skeeter/Amelia Bones
Summary: In the months following Voldemort’s first defeat, two women with similarly ambitious natures but very different ethics cross paths often enough that they decide to try walking together.
Warnings: Ministry politics? Abnormally large Hufflepuff population?
Author's Notes: Thanks to my fabulous beta, Katie! Written for Mcgonagallsgirl as part of the hoggywartyxmas exchange.

( Blindness and Stars )

Title: Sexy Tunes
Fandom: Eddie Izzard - Standup Routines
Characters: Mrs Badcrumble and her husband, Mr Badcrumble
Rating: PG
Summary: During the 1418 war, Mrs Badcrumble invents orgasms, to the tune of Snug as a Bug in a Rug. On a hang glider.
Notes: 340 word Yuletide treat written for fictionalknight. Based on this Izzard routine.

( It's a terribly sexy tune )

Title: After the Storm
Fandom: Losing Chase
Characters: Chase Phillips, Elizabeth Cole, Jason Phillips, Original Characters (mostly gen character study, with dashes of femslash and het)
Rating: PG
Summary: After that summer, Chase Phillips and Elizabeth Cole move on with their lives, but their time together affects them both in important, sometimes surprising ways.
Notes: Written for mammothluv for Yuletide 2010. Many thanks to an_fhanai for being the Bestest Beta Ever.

( Elizabeth drove the red sprite for years )

YOU GUYS. I seriously fail at life. So somehow, yesterday, I managed to miss a chunk of my flist somehow? IDEK. But that chunk of flist was the chunk of flist in which my hoggywartyxmas gift was posted, and now I feel like a complete arse for a) leaving my writer wondering what the hell was going on for like a whole day, and b) not reading this ABSOLUTELY AMAZING STORY sjsgjsghsggss IMMEDIATELY.

Seriously. I can't even. This story has just about EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED, and I command you to all go and read it RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND OKAY?


Spinsters on a Sunday Morning
Irma Pince/Minerva McGonagall, with bonus Rita Skeeter :D | Light R | The headmistress is retiring, and Rita Skeeter is sent to interview her. Oh, how she looks forward to that.


Seriously I don't think I can write a coherent rec for this without writing a five paragraph essay like my review comment, but it's just, gah. There is snarky, vain Rita, there is realistic age depiction and older women being sexual beings, there is complicated emotion and people realising slowly how much they mean to each other. There is discussion of the power of words and language, and queer representation (or lackthereof) in wizarding media. There is just. So much. Awesome. In this. Story.

Even if you never read femslash, or older women, go and read this story. Because I want to give this Mystery Author unicorns and puppies, but comments from people who totally wouldn't usually read this but omg it really works is maybe something I can manage, so go :).

So hey, flist. How's it going? It's after 4am here, and I should totally be in bed, but I am super curious about something.

So I was thinking recently about how much Valentines Day bores me (or Singles Awareness Day, as I prefer to call it), and how much I love dysfunctional fictional relationships.

And I was thinking what an awesome time Valentines Day would be for a mini (or full-sized?) ficathon thingy dedicated to dysfunctional pairings (Hatesex! Characters screaming at each other! Someone seducing someone else, and then being thoroughly unsatisfied with the result! Resentment! Jealously! Boredom! Rita/everybody!)

So I was wondering if anyone else enjoys dysfunctional fictional relationships as much as I do, and whether anyone would be interested in a ficathon like that that posted around Valentines Day?

Yes? No? Potatoes?

Harry Potter only, I think, because I'm not sure I have the experience for anything multi-fandom or enormous.

[Poll #1661640]

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, or a wonderful Saturday, if you don't celebrate. Boxing Day is drawing to a close for me, now, and I just woke from my post-lunch afternoon nap. Had one both days. Whee.

Pumpkin pie was a hit! My brother especially was dubious because omg pumpkin as desert, but everyone really enjoyed it! Including me. Yummy!

I received, among my loot, a copy of Judi Dench's 'And Furthermore', 'The Fry Chronicles', and 'Room'. You can tell I'm a reader - my gift pile always looks like BOOKS and a few other things (this year, perfume! Three bottles from different people!). Also, gift cards from Dad so I can go shopping :D.

In fandom news, hoggywartyxmas has started posting, and everything so far has been a winner! Go check out, and I will do some more specific recs later. Christmas chat was fun, too - it was great to 'meet' you all 'properly'! :D


Also, snape_ldws Secret Santas have been posted, and my gift is amazing!

Here Comes Santa Claus by albalark
Rita/Severus | R, bondage | What Rita wants, Rita gets.

Eeee! One of my OTPs! And Rita in a sexy Santa costume, and ahsghsggsfhsjsh YAY!

Go check out the comm for all the other drabbles, including my own, which is Minerva/Severus.


Also also, there's Yuletide!

Here is my gift, which is made of awesome! A fabulous look at the life of one of my favourite characters:

Life's Work
Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan | Verin Mathwin, Gen | Verin worked for a long time to gather all she knew, and kept her secrets until the hour of her death.


And here are a few recs from my first bit of reading:

Alternates
Back to the Future | George McFly, Marty McFly, Gen | Marty's life isn't at all like how he left it.

A wonderful exploration of Marty having to live with the changes in his family and his life, post-canon.


Practical, and Magic
Bedknobs and Broomsticks | Carrie, Eglantine Price, Emelius Brown, Gen | Carrie thought that Miss Price was simply the most wonderful lady in the world.

Pitch-perfect Carrie voice, and a wonderful depiction of her relationship with Eglantine, and how it shapes her view of the world and her role in it.


I'm a Free Bitch
Bad Romance (Music Video) | Lady Gaga, Original character, Mature Gen | Racquel was sent to the Haus by her parents to become the perfect girl. But she came out a Monster.

A wonderful story with a dystopian sci-fi feel that tells a chilling story about the world depicted in the video.


Shades of Bittersweet
Beauty and the Beast - Disney | Various Characters, Gen | What if Belle married Gaston? A series of vignettes set ten years after Gaston's ultimatum.

This story is a wonderfully written and desperately sad alternative to the happy ever after.


For a Bit of Colored Ribbon
Downton Abbey | Various characters, Gen | Some of the ways war comes to Downton.

A wonderful continuation of the series and exploration of the way war affects its characters.


So there's a few for you, but I have barely scratched the surface of the 2000+ fics (!!!) posted this year. Go check out the Complete list of fandoms for the main collection. If the archive is overloaded, there's also the static list, but you do have to go back to the main site to leave comments.

Go scroll through the famdom list for anything that takes your fancy. I'll be flailing around for days, yet. :)

CAN I JUST SAY I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT YULTEIDE AND HOGGYWARTYXMAS OMG?

The excitement is getting me through some fairly godawful shifts at the supermarket.

I am closing tonight. Joy and rapture!

For now, I'm off to make pumpkin pie for tomorrow's dessert. Mum decided not to do the traditional Christmas pudding this year, so I offered to try making an American style pumpkin pie. I've never had it before (the idea of pumpkin as a dessert is a foreign one, here), but I am very curious, and I hope it turns out all right!

Flist, what would you call the sort of long, whispery grassy stuff that would grow wild on unkempt land, like in this picture?

Many thanks.