Shout Out.

[featherxquill]

So I was defriended today by someone I really did consider a friend, and I've never actually cared about being defriended before, because, yeah, I can usually see why.

I suppose I can even see it now, because my interests and her interests have diversified over time, and we rarely comment any more, but I.... well. Yeah. Ouch.

I think I've always been one of those people who feels apart of someone's LJ just by virtue of reading. I comment when I have something to say, but I do read, or at least skim and pick out the important parts, most of the time.

I am sometimes I bad friend. I hide appear offline after a long day at work, and even sometimes on my days off when I want to watch movies or just not be tied to my computer. I read emails and think 'I'll reply later' and then I forget. I know there are probably a few friendships I've lost this way.

I know there are others, who, like me, lose touch with close friends for long-ish periods of time. I've had conversations with a few of you about it, and how I never hold that against anyone because I am the same myself.

I just hope you all know that I love you, whether I comment or not. I am reading, I am listening. I do care.

(No, this isn't flocked. I don't feel the need to lock these particular thoughts away. Besides, I haven't yet been able to bring myself to defriend the other person, so she'd be able to read it anyway if she chose to.)

Comments

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

What you said. This is me all over.

[featherxquill.livejournal.com]

:) Good. Bytheby, yours is one that I especially enjoy reading, but don't often comment on. Also, I was quietly converted to mooncup by you, for which I am eternally grateful.

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

YAY! Mooncup Evangelism is ace!

[nerweniel.livejournal.com]

I think I know who you mean, I was defriended by her today as well, and I, too, was a bit surprised as I really considered her a friend - I'm the same as you in that respect, I may not comment much, altogether, but I read and I somemtimes I forget that people don't know that I read when I don't comment.

Oh well. I understand her reasoning, flists can get overwhelming, and I sent her a message wishing her all the best :). Just wanted to say I understand where you're coming from here ;).

[featherxquill.livejournal.com]

I sent her a message like that, too. It wasn't really a mean defriending, but it shocked me a bit, and hurt, too, though I'm not really sure quite why. I suppose she just wanted a smaller flist that shared her interests better, but still, ow. I think the fact that the journal is completely FO so being defriended pretty much equals being cut off completely.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who was a bit blindsided by it :)

[nerweniel.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've been defriended before and usually I don't mind - I mean, I'm normally like oh well, I agree - but this was really weird, like, I know her and my interests were probably pretty far apart by now but still, we used to chat and all that jazz... it was odd. When I read the post, I'd never imagined I'd actually be among the ones to be kicked off, and it did sort of hurt when I figured I was. Oh well :).

[nimielle.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I am sometimes I bad friend. I hide appear offline after a long day at work, and even sometimes on my days off when I want to watch movies or just not be tied to my computer. I read emails and think 'I'll reply later' and then I forget.

that is sooooo me too sometimes! I understand. I don't think caring about people is about commenting ALL THE TIME or reading absolutely everything they write, it's telling them now and then, that we care and that's enough for me. *hugs some more*

[featherxquill.livejournal.com]

♥

Yes. If someone wants more than that, I suppose I can't blame them, but I'm glad there are others on my flist who get it and know that I care :)

[septemberrains.livejournal.com]

I'm the same - I don't comment unless I have something particular to say but I do read my flist every day. The only time I have defriended someone is when they made two or three long whiny posts a day, moaned all the time that people didn't comment enough on said posts and then started posting graphic details of their sex life without using cuts. I wouldn't defriend someone just for not commenting. I'm sorry that your friend did. I'd be hurt too if it happened to me.

Have you thought about telling her how you feel? Maybe she doesn't realise how much she means to you.

[featherxquill.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, yes, I absolutely hate those sort of posts. As I said in someone else's journal not too long ago, it is the same, to me, as those 'writers' on ff.net that want x reviews to post the next chapter. The height of obnoxiousness, IMO.

The post she made didn't actually say she was defriending people for not commenting, more that I think she wants a smaller, more close-nit flist, which is possibly the same thing, but not nearly as obnoxious. I sent her a message to say that it made me sad and such, but to wish her all the best.

I just felt the need to let my flist know what I was thinking - that often I'm silent, but I am paying attention :)

[angrboda]

That sounds a bit odd... Was there no explanation given other than not commenting?

I do the exact same thing. I hate it when people expect you to fill out some sort of comment quota to prove you're around or those 'I'm going to cull, comment if you want to stay'. I want people to have me on their flists because they want me there, not because I comment. If someone's posts are interesting enough or if they just generally seem like a nice, likeable person in their posts, it doesn't matter at all whether or not they comment. I've got nearly 200 mutual friends and only a core group of commenters.

I don't consider you a 'bad friend' for doing that, just a person with a life outside of the computer. A normal person. It's not like we spend every waking hour with our real life friends and family either.

I was defriended recently by someone while I was even having a perfectly normal conversation with them, because I hadn't wanted to put a begging comment on their warning post. If they don't find me interesting enough to keep because they want to, then that's okay, but I was kind of offended by having it happen while we were actually having a conversation (and the reason for the warning in general being 'I don't seem to talk to so many of you anymore'). Anyway, as annoying as that was it did spark some discussion (discussion as in we both agreed...) about keeping up with flists and being online friends and such, and how doing that thing about skimming through posts and picking out the most interesting and important parts and commenting when one has something to say is actually the only sane way of keeping up with a flist, especially when it grows in size. Most of us with fandom-dominant flists have friended people because they wrote or drew or whatever something awesome and have then come to know them that way. And sometimes we find a pot of gold, but most times we just have to accept that it's a relationship as mutual acquantancies. If we had to be friends-friends with everybody equally all the time then not-online time is non-existant.

I've sort of lost track of myself here, it's just because I've already had all this thought over so recently, but what I want to point out by it is that by skimming and commenting only when you actually have something useful to say or found a post particularly interesting, then you're not being a bad friend, just a normal person.

[featherxquill.livejournal.com]

The post she made didn't actually say she was defriending people for not commenting, more that I think she wants a smaller, more close-nit flist, which is possibly the same thing, but not nearly as obnoxious. It was a bit cryptic and vague, really, and probably the commenting thing is more my interpretation, or what I want to say to my flist, if any of them ever think of me and wonder if I care.

[acoustics1220.livejournal.com]

♥

I read :) I still care.

[scytheandroses.livejournal.com]

COOKIES. Because cookies are radtabulous.

And, pfft, y'know, commenting... Can be tricksey. Particularly as brain often just likes doing other things, and, y'know, aren't always things that're necessary to say. And internet not really a committment, and all that.

But aye, throwing in that I tend to do the same, as does seem to be the way... Like to comment, try to comment, bu-ut it doesn't always happen and, y'know, that's the way o' things. Reading journals = enjoyable. Commenting = enjoyable in its way, and occasionally useful... but not always necessary. And I'm just rambling. I'll stop. Partially because I'm not sure where I'm going.

THINKING. YAY.

Um, point being... Keep on rockin'. Yep.

[saedulaque.livejournal.com]

This is me, too, the never-being-online-forgetting-to-write-emails-commenting-only -when-there-really-IS-something-to-say type.

And I, too, know who you mean. I cannot say I don't understand her motives, but still -- defriending anyone on my own journal is always a difficult moment for me, as well as BEING defriended. Let me just say I'm sorry :(

[an-fhanai.livejournal.com]

*delurks to stealthcuddle you* I love you a ridiculous amount, you know that, right?

[inspired-ideas.livejournal.com]

You are a most excellent friend whether or not you're lurking.

*hugs*

[heather11483.livejournal.com]

You're a great friend. ♥ I had someone do that to me recently, one of my first ever LJ friends, and our interests hadn't (haven't) even really diverged. We just hadn't talked in a while. She sent me an email right afterward saying it was because I never commented. Mostly I barely have time to post my own stuff, much less comment to others, but I do read my flist every day. I don't expect everyone on my flist to comment, so I didn't really understand that, but it wasn't mean-spirited or anything, I don't think. So, I'm trying to work on that with my flist now. It did sting, though, so I know what you mean. *HUGS*

[missfoxie.livejournal.com]

Aww. *hugs*

I love and care 'bout you too. Even if I don't always comment.

[ariangi.livejournal.com]

It all sounds way too familiar up there. Dittos from me too, I guess, but hey, we just started talking again after a long drawn out pause, so it seems were in the 'okay' circle. :D